In Awe...

Well, now that my secret's out I can actually write about it! Yes, we're finally pregnant! It's an exciting thing for us as we have waited a long time between babies. Michael will be 4 1/2 years older than this baby, which seems like a very long time to me.

my psychic husband

What's funny is my husband knew I was pregnant almost right away and told me so. I had lost a bit of faith in my body. We had been trying off and on for a couple of years now. I had an inkling, little intuitions but I had gotten my hopes up before just to be disappointed and so I was becoming cynical. My logical mind would come in after an intuition and beat it down. Even when I was late I still wouldn't let myself believe. I took a pg test solely for my husband at five in the morning before he left for work. I never expected it to be positive! I didn't sleep after that and I couldn't help it, I told Michael right away. He has been excited from the very beginning! He laughed and said excitedly, "You have a baby in your belly?!", and then "Can I see it!" He pulls up my shirt and talks to the baby all the time. When we ask him to you want a baby brother or a baby sister?, usually he responds, "no, just a baby". Me too, Michael, just a baby.

My mom & Michael

I wanted to wait a little while before telling people. It isn't really in my nature to hide these things so I couldn't wait very long. I planned to do something special to tell the Grandparents and thought of the little card and poem I shared previously. With my first pregnancy, I told my Mom right away and then asked her not to tell anyone, which she said was pure torture. I didn't want to do that to her again, so I planned to wait and then send her the special card I made. My Mom, however, straight out asked me over the phone. That intuition thing again. So, my Mom has known for a few weeks now. I'm glad she asked because it was torture keeping it from her.


So, I am a mass of hormones. This picture illustrates how I feel. Peaceful, emotional, and at times a storm is coming, all rolled into one. I can cry at a drop of a hat. I cried recently over the birth celebration in the "Lion King", and the Christmas song "Oh, Holy night". And of course every other comercial on tv. One of my first intuitions about being pregnant was when I became very angry with my husband about something very insignificant. I was yelling and at the same time thinking "Why am I getting so angry about this? This isn't a big deal." I have lost the ability to censor myself, at least with my husband. Poor guy. I think a thought and it gets blurted out. I'm trying to work on that. I've been nauseas, off and on, and exhausted, but nowhere near as much as with Michael. We are ecstatic and I'm still in shock. On our last prenatal visit our midwife said "let's try and get a heart beat. It's early yet, but we can try". I cannot fully explain how just the mere suggestion of this was a total and utter shock to me. We didn't find the heartbeat but we listened to my heart pumping blood through to the placenta. Wow, even that was miraculous to hear. What beauty and magic! I am in awe!

(And now, I just have to say"knock on wood", I am a bit superstitious and all this pregnancy talk is making me nervous, famous last words and all. Did I say I am a mass of illogical fear as well? All my pregnancy posts may end with this picture.)